2005 Ahoy!
by sushified
Summary: The 4077th finds an injured american girl in the entrance of the compund, and they had no idea how she had gotten their. Little do they know, she has the power to take them to the future! Please read this and see what happens, and review too please!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I own a b s o l u t e l y _nothing_.

_Hey! I have always been a big fan of MASH, I love that show! So, I decided to write a fan fic about it. I got this idea a while back, possibly a year ago. So, I just decided to give it a tune-up and place it on the site. It was pretty fun writing this, I love doing humor. Actually, if you check out my other stories, that's all I ever write:) Well, I hope you like this. Please leave a review, I love reviews!_

"_Green paint?_" babbled a highly frustrated Hawkeye. "We order twenty boxes of surgical gloves and they give us _green paint!_ What in the world is going on here!"

"There must have been a mix up at I- corps, I guess we'll have to order again," explained Klinger.

B.J. stood nonchalantly against the wall, just observing Hawkeye pacing around the room.

"Green paint! What are we going to do with green paint?" Hawkeye stopped in his tracks as a brilliant idea glided in from no where and smacked him upside the head. A sinister grin crept across his face.

"Hawk, I don't like where this is going!" smiled B.J. as he looked at his friend.

Over at the showers, Charles had just finished washing up. It felt luxurious after five hours of meatball surgery. There were short raps on the door.

"Who is it?" demanded Charles.

When there was no answer, Charles opened the door to see who it was. Then, just out of the blue, a bucket of green paint comes crashing down on him, and all over the doorway. He screamed in surprise as the paint doused him.

In no less then seven seconds, Charles stormed into The Swamp. He glared daggers at Hawkeye and B.J., who were rolling on the ground at this point.

"YOU!" screeched Charles.

"Charles," laughed B.J. after gaining a little control, "are you aware that you're green?"

"Nonsense B.J.! You always knew Charles was a vegetable!" burst Hawkeye as he pulled himself up.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"Sirs, come quick!" interrupted Klinger. "There's a girl out in the entrance to the camp, she has a bullet wound!'

They all exchanged glances, and then raced after Klinger. He led them down the road and they met some soldiers carrying a casualty on a stretcher.

Hawkeye lent over to take another look, and was greatly surprised. "Holy smokes Beej, look at this! It's a teenage _American_ girl!"

B.J. looked closer and realized that it indeed was an American girl.

"What on earth is she doing out here?" blundered B.J. as he checked her pulse.

"I don't know, but look at the way she is dressed, isn't that strange?" pondered Hawkeye.

She was in a pair of tight blue jeans and wore a shirt that read "Vote- 2004" on it. She also wore a pair of light blue skater shoes.

They were both confused, but still rushed to the OR.

On their way into the building, they bumped into Col. Potter. He glanced down at their patient, and did a double take. "What in the name of sweet Aunt Petunia is this?" he asked as he examined the girl.

"We haven't the slightest idea how she got here," called B.J. from the washroom.

"We've examined her, and she has some shrapnel in her right femur. She must have been shot at by some snipers," said Hawkeye as he continued to get dressed.

"Well," said Potter as he gave her one last glance, "If you need any help, just give me a holler."

The operation went without any problems, just a simple everyday procedure of removing shrapnel. The doctors and nurses were very anxious about when she would wake up. They wanted to know exactly who she was and how she got there.

A little while later, she began to stir. A nurse frantically called the two doctors and everyone in the room rushed over to her bed. In a few seconds, her eyes began to flutter open. Once she was fully conscious, her eyes focused on the people in front of her.

She stared for a moment, and then, for no apparent reason, she let out a scream. "HAWKEYE! B.J.! OH MY GOSH IT WORKED! IT ACTUALLY WORKED! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY WORKED! OH MY GOSH!"

Everyone's jaw dropped. "How the Hell do you know our names!" asked an extremely confused Hawkeye.

She looked at them, grinning ear to ear. "Look, what I am going to tell you is true right down to the periods. You have to believe me though."

They all nodded their heads, eager for an explanation.

"Well ok, here goes," she said as she looked at them.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, sorry for not getting this in sooner, but when homework calls..._

_Well, I hope you like this so far. Wow, come to think of it, I have never really written a normal wow-this-could-really-be-an-episode-story, I always have to put some strange twist on them. Wait till you see what happens in this chapter._

_Oh, and also, yes, I do know that the MASH characters never really existed, in case this chapter leads you to think otherwise._

_Wait, one more thing. There is like, no humor in this chapter because it is one of those serious chapters. Sorry._

They stared at her intently, awaiting an answer.

"My family and I were on a camping trip, and I was off hiking. As I went up this trail, I tripped on a root, and slammed into a large tree. I fell to the ground, kind of dazed. Once all my senses came back, I realized that I wasn't where I was just a few seconds ago. It was much warmer, and the plants didn't look the same. Well anyways, I panicked and started running in circles until I came across another path. Of course I followed it, and I was brought into some kinda clearing. I, being stupid enough to walk into a clearing in a strange place, managed to get myself shot by what I guess were snipers. I just kept running, trying to escape the attackers. I came across your sign, but passed out as soon as I entered. Pretty weird story, huh?" she said with an innocent look on her face.

Their jaws dropped.

"What?" gaped Hawkeye.

"Strangely enough, it's the truth," she said, staring at them all.

"B-but, then how do you know our names?" demanded Charles, hands pressing against his face.

"Well, this is going to sound even weirder than what I just told you, but oh well. You see, I am from the future, 2005 to be exact. You might have seen my shirt when I, erm, passed out. Anywho, you guys actually have a TV show in the future. It's really cool, I watch it like every day!" she said, getting excited.

The looks stayed on their faces, and one nurse even fainted.

Hawkeye slowly turned to B.J., who looked just as shocked as he did. "You can't expect us to believe all this, do you?" he asked, a half smile on.

"Well..." she said, just spreading out her arms, referring to herself. "Explain this then."

Hawkeye just put on a look of defeat and buried his face in his hands.

"Sorry you guys, but it's the truth," she said. "As soon as you let me out of this bed I can go take you to the tree, and maybe it will take us somewhere, I don't know. I'm just as confused as you guys are right now."

"Ok," said Hawkeye, pressing his hands on his knees, then getting up. "First thing in the morning, we'll go check out that tree. I think we all need to get some rest and time to think about this."

"Good idea Hawk," said B.J. as he got up too.

She watched as they left the room.

Later in The Swamp, B.J., Charles, and Hawkeye were in a heated debate about the girl.

"Look, she's obviously lying! I cannot believe you are buying these tales of 'time-travel', and silly television shows! Leave it up to you two boobs to believe this nonsense," ranted Charles, trying to be very logical about this situation.

"Well then how did she know our names!" demanded Hawkeye.

"She could be psychic," commented B.J. from his bed, filing through mail.

"But that still doesn't explain the shirt, or how she got here!"

"Well," said Charles, "she could have made the shirt herself. It's that entirely difficult."

"Well, explain to me how a _teenage America_ girl managed to get to Korea! The U.S. doesn't go handing out plane tickets for here, this is a war zone!"

"Look, I am through arguing with you. She is obviously lying, and I am going to sleep, good night," said Charles briskly while pulling back his covers.

Charles, you can't just sleep away all of your problems!" raged Hawkeye, mad at Charles' lack of effort.

Right when Hawkeye was about to chuck a pillow at him, a voice came over the intercom. "Attention all personnel, more wounded entering the compound!"

Hawkeye just thrashed the pillow into the ground instead.


	3. Chapter 3

_Ok, I actually have some time to type, because of Thanksgiving. Sigh, can you believe I didn't get any turkey? Yes, strange as it is_, _my dad hates turkey, so he refused to have one even enter a five foot radius of his stove._ _Oh well, onwards with the story then!_

The next day, at around eleven-hundred hours, B.J., Charles, Hawkeye, Col. Potter, and Klinger all headed over to post op to check up on the girl. They stood in front of the entrance, took one final cleansing breath, and headed in.

"And how are we feeling today Miss?" asked Col Potter as he and the others strode towards her bed.

"I'm feeling great, my leg doesn't even hurt anymore, you guys really are great surgeons!" she said sitting up.

"Well, I'm flattered," said Hawkeye as he sat down on the bed next to her. "But I need to ask you something. What if we find the tree that you were talking about, but nothing happens? You know, what happens if you're so-called time portal decided to close up?"

The girl stared at him for a moment, absorbing that thought. "Well," she said in a lax voice, "then I guess you could say I'm screwed. C'mon, let's go check it out."

They were baffled by her calmness about all this. Nonetheless, Klinger handed her the crutches he was asked to bring and she adjusted them to her height.

They all headed out of the camp, the girl leading the way. Hawkeye and B.J. kinda slunk to the back of the group, so they could talk amongst themselves.

"I say that it won't work," said Hawkeye looking at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I really don't know if it will work. I mean, one half of me is saying yes, yes it will! That's how she got here! But the other half is going, no it won't, how is all this possible? My brain hurts so bad right now it's not even funny."

"Yeah, I never got that saying. Why would that be funny in the first place?" commented Hawkeye.

They kept walking until they reached the edge of a forest. "Now we just follow this path until you see a large, weird tree," said the girl as she looked up, trying to see an unusually tall tree.

They all headed up the path until they indeed came across a large, bumpy old tree. "Hey, this is the one!" she exclaimed as she headed up to examine it.

"Ok, yeah, we found it, now what?" asked Klinger as he looked up at it. "Ram ourselves against it like you did?"

"Well, that would be a start," said the girl as she placed her hands on her hips and looked up at it also.

There was an awkward silence.

"Well, who's going to try first?" she asked, turning around towards them.

Even more silence.

"Oh look, Charles just volunteered," said Hawkeye, nudging Charles a little closer to the tree.

"I think not!" he growled as he gave them a frightening glare.

"Oh you sissies," she complained as she looked at them. "Fine, I'll try first."

They just looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

She gave the tree a final stare, and headed straight for it as fast as she could. At the moment of impact, there was a unreasonably bright light accompanied by a yelp, and then nothing. There was just that large, creepy tree, and no girl.

Their eyes widened to the size of grapefruits.

"What on earth just happened?" gaped Charles as he rubbed his eyes, very confused at what happened.

"Call me crazy... but I think that thing actually worked!" yelled Hawkeye as he turned to B.J.

"Well I'll be damned," said Potter as he scratched his head.

"I've got to see this," said Klinger as he backed up, getting ready to dart at the tree.

"Klinger, wait!" shouted B.J., but it was no use. Klinger ran straight towards the tree.

In a few seconds, there was a flash of light, and once again, just the tree.

"That crazy fool..." said Hawkeye, staring at the tree. "Well, better go in after him..."

"Hawk, you're not going to-" started B.J.

"Try and stop me," said Hawkeye as he got in a running stance. He also headed for the tree and there was a flash of light.

Col Potter had had enough of this, and said "Look, you two can go through there, I'd better go back to camp and tell everyone what's happening. I'm not going near that thing."

"Good idea Col., I shall accompany you on the way back..." stuttered Charles.

"I don't think so, you're coming with me," said B.J. as he grabbed a fleeing Charles by the collar and headed towards the tree.

"Stop! You can't make me do this! I have my rights!" he screamed as there was a flash of blinding light once more.

Col Potter stood there alone, knees wobbling, staring at the tree. He just turned on his heel and headed down the path, pistol in it's holster.


	4. Chapter 4

_Woot, another chapter! Hehe, read it please and leave a review. I would like to know how I can improve my writing techniques and stuff._ _A lot of you guys are really great writers, and I would love for you to critique me._

Charles was letting out an ear-splitting scream, but nothing could be heard but wind lashing at their faces. They were flying through nothing but white. Charles stared in disbelief as a bright yellow rubber duck floated by. That was the most random thing he had ever seen. In a few seconds, their senses were blurred, and the next thing they knew, they were on a forest floor.

"Ow my back," said Charles bluntly as they got up.

"Glad you could make it," said Hawkeye, helping them up. "Um... is the Col. coming?"

"Ah, no," said B.J. as he brushed himself off. "He decided to go back to the camp and tell everyone what is happening."

Hawkeye was about to say something, but he just kept to himself. They all stood up and stared at their surroundings.

"Well, here we are. America-2005. Isn't it gorgeous?" said the girl as she looked around. Then a thought hit her. "Mom and Dad! Oh crud!" She randomly darted off at full speed, leaving the others behind.

The others exchanged glances, then took off after her. They fleeted after her, branches smacking their faces as they tried to keep her within view.

Soon, she stopped. Looking over an empty concrete slab, sorrow in her eyes. "They left without me..."

Hawkeye finally caught up to her first, panting like a dog, then the others showed up behind him. "What? Who left without you?" he asked.

"My... my parents... they were camped right here! They went and left without me!" she cried.

"Well, I wouldn't be mad at them," said Klinger as he was over a couple feet examining a tree.

The others, curious to see what he was looking at, headed over there too. There was a missing person sign up, with the girls face on it.

"Missing, Heather "Sketcher"Gulsten, brown hair, hazel eyes, 5foot 2inches. If you've seen this girl, please call the number below and there will be a reward..." said Hawkeye.

Hawkeye- Hold on! I have to interrupt the story!

Sushified- What? Why?

Hawkeye- You thought you would be clever to _just now_ put her name in and what she looks like. What, did you forget to put it in before, so now you decide you would be clever by putting it up on a sign? Well, you have to get up much more earlier than that to fool ol' Hawkeye!

Sushified- sigh You caught me. Yeah, I am sorry for my negligence of putting her name and description up. Also, I did think I could pull the wool over your eyes, but I guess I was wrong.

Hawkeye- Ok, I'll forgive you _this_ time, but don't do it again!

Sushified, ok, I won't. :)

"Look, let's go call the number, and they will be glad to hear your voice," said Hawkeye, a little warmth in his voice.

They all headed over to the lodge to use the phone. Heather just kept heading into the entryway, but Hawkeye, Charles, B.J., and Klinger were fixated on the candy machine out front. Heather turned back around to look at them, a really amused face on.

"Guys, it's a candy machine,"

"What is this stuff!" wondered Klinger out loud. "KitKat? Fast Break? I've never heard of any of these before!"

"Yeah, it's what keeps America awake these days, pretty sad huh? Well, I guess I will go use the phone, you can stay out here and stare at that if you like," she said as she headed back inside.

They watched her head into the building, then they went back to staring at the candy machine. A few minutes later, a warden came striding up to them, a stern look on his face.

"Can't you guys read?" he said in a cold voice as he motioned to the wall behind them.

There was a sign as plain as day that read "No Loitering."

Inside the building, Sketcher was getting very frustrated because no one was answering the phone at her house. She just gave up and headed back for the door. She froze in her tracks when she saw what was going on outside.

Charles, B.J., and Klinger were all up against the wall, and Hawkeye was being pepper-sprayed by an angry warden.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" screamed Sketcher.

"These men were breaking the law, and were getting belligerent. I have the right to defend myself in these dangerous positions!" shouted the warden in a drone-like voice.

"MY GOD, I WAS JUST ASKING FOR A DOLLAR! AAAHHH!" cried Hawkeye as he rolled on the ground.

"Officer, look. You can't blame them! There are tourists from, um, Canada, they don't know the rules here!" protested Sketcher.

The warden looked down at Hawkeye. "You're from Canada?"

"Ay," he answered, very winded.

"Well, why didn't you say so? I guess I could let it slide this time," said the warden.

Sketcher rolled her eyes as she helped Hawkeye off the ground. The others got off the wall and brushed of their shirts. The strange warden gave them one last stare, and then just left.

"I wonder what his problem was," wondered B.J.

"He must have gotten up on the wrong side of the forest. Hey Sketcher, what's going on with your parents?" asked Hawkeye.

"Well, they're not answering, so I am guessing we'll have to hitch a ride home or something," she said as she looked up at the clouding sky.

Knowing there's nothing else they could do, they started down the road that leads to her hometown, 45 miles away.


End file.
